“Let your life reflect the faith you have in God. Fear nothing and pray about everything. Be strong, trust God's word, and trust the process.”
- Germany Kent 

"God is very current, you know, said the angel, almost laughing."
- Lee Carroll/Kryon, The Journey Home
 
For several days now I’ve been feeling confusion and lack of clarity about where I am going in several different areas of my life. Along with the confusion comes fear.  What’s up with these feelings?

When I was an anxious teenager wanting to know my path ahead and what choices I should make, my mother advised me with what her mother advised her.

She said that we are on a path of stepping stones and all we can see is the next stepping stone ahead. We can always see that stepping stone if we pay attention. We are not given anything more than that, just one stepping stone ahead of where we are now.

She said we always know the next step to take, we have only to look for that next stepping stone. 

How is it then that I forget to follow that sage advice?

Perhaps because implicit in that wisdom is the necessity to trust that the path won’t dead end, or lead off a cliff, or into deep water. Implicit is the need to trust that God/Spirit will provide that next stepping stone, and the next after that, and that each step will lead to where I want to go. Trust is needed here.

But what if the path doesn’t lead where I want to go? I have to trust that if it doesn't it will lead  to someplace better than I could have imagined.

Years ago when I was suffering over my own angsty teenagers, feeling fearful, anxious and not knowing how to get off the fear train my thoughts were on, I received a message.

“You don’t believe in God.”

Wow, that blew my mind. I was offended! Of course I believed in God!

“Then where does all this fear come from? If you really believed in God you would trust that God is in charge and taking care of you and your daughters.”

Understanding soaked in. If I really, deeply believed and trusted in God/Spirit, I would not be caught in a loop of fear. God/Spirit knows what I want and need. My job is to look for the next step on my path, the next stepping stone, take it and trust the rest to God/Spirit.

Fast forward twenty years and I am still reminding myself to trust God.

 All that's needed is to look for that next stepping stone. 
 
Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash 

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”
Psalm 94:19
 
Over the holidays we like to invite family and friends to come for Christmas Eve and for those who are able, to stay overnight through Christmas day.

When entertaining, my usual course of action is to plan everything out, menu, activities and gifts as well as to have a cleaning, shopping and cooking schedule beginning well ahead of time in preparation.

I tried to do all this again this year, as I have done other years. But I’ve spent the past month recovering from a cough and general lack of energy that has kept me couch-bound. While that’s been great for some things, giving me lots of time for reading and meditation, it’s not been so good for holiday preparations.

The night before Christmas Eve I didn’t sleep well. I was not ready for guests and I was anxious about it. I lay awake planning out all I needed to do the next day and worrying that I wouldn’t have the energy to get it all done. I had a dream of the unmade lasagna I’d planned for dinner and saw the three, different cheeses, ricotta, mozzarella and parmesan, all in conflict with one another. It was a silly and discouraging symbol for the elements I was unsuccessfully attempting to combine into an enjoyable holiday.

So, along comes the day of Christmas Eve and I am not ready, the house hasn’t been cleaned, the lasagna not made, the table not set, nothing is ready for the arrival of our guests.

Fortunately, an angel in the form of my daughter was there, cheerful and energetic.

“Mom, maybe you shouldn’t be making lasagna when you’re coughing like that,” she said. “I can make it. I can do the vacuuming too, and whatever else needs doing. How about if you do the less active jobs?”

You’d think the decision to hand it all over would have been easy, but it wasn’t. It was surprisingly difficult to let go of control, and let my daughter take charge. I tussled with myself for several moments and then realized that this was exactly what I needed. I thanked her and said, “Yes,” feeling relieved.

I sat down gratefully and wrapped presents while she bustled around getting everything done. As I did so I had the realization that this illness was an opportunity to understand that trying so hard to control everything that’s happening around me leaves no room for God/Spirit to enter in. If I hold on hard, constricted and fearful, afraid that things won’t go well unless I control every single aspect, where is the room for love? Where is the room for creativity, for my Soul’s expression and the Soul’s expression of those around me? Where is the room for God? It was a lightbulb moment.

As it turned out, we had a wonderful Christmas. Everyone was relaxed and happy. The lasagna was delicious. The grandchildren were delighted and delightful. There was a feeling of love and gentle celebration throughout because there was room for God. 

May there be plenty of room for God is this your new year of 2019, dear friends. May you be blessed with love, wonder and happiness!

​​Photo by Júnior Ferreira on Unsplash