“All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
-Julian of Norwich
 
“Surrender, surrender, let go of the struggle.”
-Red Feather
           
When I lived in New Hampshire, by January the winter ice build-up on my driveway was prodigious. I was out daily hacking and digging at the thick ice, progressing through an inch at a time. First creating potholes, then small cleared patches, then larger cleared areas. There is a feeling of satisfaction as the cleared area enlarges, I know, I did it for years, until one year I didn’t. That year, I spread sand and waited. In two months, the warming sun of spring took care of the ice. It gradually warmed the inches of frozen water to return it to its former formless state, and I didn’t have to do anything but enjoy the process. Nature was infinitely more efficient than my ice chipper.
 
My struggle with the ice on my driveway was much like my struggle with life. I worked hard at life. I tended to struggle over things that if I just let go, they would have taken care of themselves. I struggled with myself, wanting to be more, better. I struggled with my loved ones wanting them to be different than they were. I struggled at work, thinking that I could never quite be good enough. And day by day I was out there in my driveway chipping away at the ice, until finally one day I didn’t. Day by day I struggled with my life, until finally one day… Nope, still do,  sigh, though not nearly as often or as deeply as I used to.
 
Our lives can become encased in ice, frozen, slippery, seemingly a danger. We live fearfully. We struggle and chip away to remove that uncomfortable fear. Perhaps though that icing of fear is just a normal part of the cycle of life here in this world. Perhaps if we trust in the process of our growth the cycle will turn and that warm sun of trust will melt away our fear. Perhaps we have only to apply a little sand, trust and wait. God will do the rest.

​Many of us have areas in our lives that we feel should change, and we struggle over how we are not enough. But what if we decided to let go of the struggle? What if we decided that we are perfect for this moment? What if we decided that our lives, our homes, our families and friends, jobs, surroundings are just as they should be for this moment, a part of God’s Plan? What if we let the ice in our lives be just as it is? What if we allow ourselves to sprinkle a little sand and wait? In time the ice will be gone whether we struggle with it or not. Perhaps we can choose to let go of the struggle and trust.
 
Photo by alessandra fiorani on Unsplash

“Let your life reflect the faith you have in God. Fear nothing and pray about everything. Be strong, trust God's word, and trust the process.”
- Germany Kent 

"God is very current, you know, said the angel, almost laughing."
- Lee Carroll/Kryon, The Journey Home
 
For several days now I’ve been feeling confusion and lack of clarity about where I am going in several different areas of my life. Along with the confusion comes fear.  What’s up with these feelings?

When I was an anxious teenager wanting to know my path ahead and what choices I should make, my mother advised me with what her mother advised her.

She said that we are on a path of stepping stones and all we can see is the next stepping stone ahead. We can always see that stepping stone if we pay attention. We are not given anything more than that, just one stepping stone ahead of where we are now.

She said we always know the next step to take, we have only to look for that next stepping stone. 

How is it then that I forget to follow that sage advice?

Perhaps because implicit in that wisdom is the necessity to trust that the path won’t dead end, or lead off a cliff, or into deep water. Implicit is the need to trust that God/Spirit will provide that next stepping stone, and the next after that, and that each step will lead to where I want to go. Trust is needed here.

But what if the path doesn’t lead where I want to go? I have to trust that if it doesn't it will lead  to someplace better than I could have imagined.

Years ago when I was suffering over my own angsty teenagers, feeling fearful, anxious and not knowing how to get off the fear train my thoughts were on, I received a message.

“You don’t believe in God.”

Wow, that blew my mind. I was offended! Of course I believed in God!

“Then where does all this fear come from? If you really believed in God you would trust that God is in charge and taking care of you and your daughters.”

Understanding soaked in. If I really, deeply believed and trusted in God/Spirit, I would not be caught in a loop of fear. God/Spirit knows what I want and need. My job is to look for the next step on my path, the next stepping stone, take it and trust the rest to God/Spirit.

Fast forward twenty years and I am still reminding myself to trust God.

 All that's needed is to look for that next stepping stone. 
 
Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash 

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”
Psalm 94:19
 
Over the holidays we like to invite family and friends to come for Christmas Eve and for those who are able, to stay overnight through Christmas day.

When entertaining, my usual course of action is to plan everything out, menu, activities and gifts as well as to have a cleaning, shopping and cooking schedule beginning well ahead of time in preparation.

I tried to do all this again this year, as I have done other years. But I’ve spent the past month recovering from a cough and general lack of energy that has kept me couch-bound. While that’s been great for some things, giving me lots of time for reading and meditation, it’s not been so good for holiday preparations.

The night before Christmas Eve I didn’t sleep well. I was not ready for guests and I was anxious about it. I lay awake planning out all I needed to do the next day and worrying that I wouldn’t have the energy to get it all done. I had a dream of the unmade lasagna I’d planned for dinner and saw the three, different cheeses, ricotta, mozzarella and parmesan, all in conflict with one another. It was a silly and discouraging symbol for the elements I was unsuccessfully attempting to combine into an enjoyable holiday.

So, along comes the day of Christmas Eve and I am not ready, the house hasn’t been cleaned, the lasagna not made, the table not set, nothing is ready for the arrival of our guests.

Fortunately, an angel in the form of my daughter was there, cheerful and energetic.

“Mom, maybe you shouldn’t be making lasagna when you’re coughing like that,” she said. “I can make it. I can do the vacuuming too, and whatever else needs doing. How about if you do the less active jobs?”

You’d think the decision to hand it all over would have been easy, but it wasn’t. It was surprisingly difficult to let go of control, and let my daughter take charge. I tussled with myself for several moments and then realized that this was exactly what I needed. I thanked her and said, “Yes,” feeling relieved.

I sat down gratefully and wrapped presents while she bustled around getting everything done. As I did so I had the realization that this illness was an opportunity to understand that trying so hard to control everything that’s happening around me leaves no room for God/Spirit to enter in. If I hold on hard, constricted and fearful, afraid that things won’t go well unless I control every single aspect, where is the room for love? Where is the room for creativity, for my Soul’s expression and the Soul’s expression of those around me? Where is the room for God? It was a lightbulb moment.

As it turned out, we had a wonderful Christmas. Everyone was relaxed and happy. The lasagna was delicious. The grandchildren were delighted and delightful. There was a feeling of love and gentle celebration throughout because there was room for God. 

May there be plenty of room for God is this your new year of 2019, dear friends. May you be blessed with love, wonder and happiness!

​​Photo by Júnior Ferreira on Unsplash

“What men and women need is encouragement. Their natural resisting powers should be strengthened, not weakened ... Instead of always harping on a man's faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut ... Hold up to him his better self, his real self that can dare and do and win out! ... People radiate what is in their minds and in their hearts.” 

Eleanor H. Porter, Pollyanna   
 
Pollyanna, that indomitably happy character and creation of Eleanor H. Porter, taught us to look for the best in ourselves, focusing on what’s good in ourselves and others. How many of us do that for ourselves? Instead, how many of us look for all the ways we show up in which we aren’t good enough or worthy enough as if by focusing upon our faults we can make ourselves better?  
​
In the past it was my habit to call to mind all those things I felt uncomfortable about as soon as I woke up in the morning. It might have been something that happened the day before in which I felt ‘less than.’ It might have been something I’d worried over, or someone I was worried about. Whatever it was, the thoughts and images would pop into my mind, one following another as I fell down the rabbit hole of negative thinking before I'd even gotten out of bed. I’d get up feeling grumpy and irritable, resistant to all the possibilities for happiness each new day offered.

That’s not how it has to be.  It is your right and your choice to feel good in the morning when you wake up, and to feel good throughout the day. You can choose to focus upon the positive aspects of how you show up in every situation in which you find yourself.
​
I have recently been enjoying the “Great British Baking Show,” in which amateur bakers compete. At the end of each episode one baker wins Star Baker, and one baker has to go home, those remaining compete again the following week. Understandably the losing baker is often disheartened and self-critical. In this most recent episode I was impressed by the attitude of the losing baker. She was disappointed, but when the others comforted her with hugs she responded by saying, “This has been the best!” You could tell that she meant it. She chose to focus upon the positive aspects.
    
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”  
Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Granted some of us have well-worn ruts of negativity to pull ourselves out of, habits of thought built up over a lifetime. Allow yourself to follow this advice from Dan Millman. Rather than berating yourself for any negativity that shows up in your thoughts, focus upon building new pathways with new positive thoughts, choice by choice, thought by thought, day by day. Allow yourself to get in touch with your inner Pollyanna.

painting of Hayley Mills as Pollyanna from Disney poster, artist unknown

“Ego is insult oriented and Spirit is result oriented.”
Red Feather
              
“Oh, woe is me. What have I done wrong to create this reflection in my outside world?  How can I trust my judgment?  Woe, oh, woe!”

So goes my self-talk with my ego in charge.

Things didn’t go well at an event that I volunteered for the other day. My team didn't perform as I expected. Our intentions had been good, my judgment not so much, and it was not a harmonious combination.

That night I was wakeful, tossing and turning. After what felt like hours of mantra-ing, clearing techniques and prayer in an attempt to ease critical, egoic self-talk I finally got back to sleep.

The next day, I got busy thinking about something besides myself (!) It was then an idea blossomed in my mind. I could respond differently. I could release the drama and focus on the next step. I already knew what I needed to do to begin to heal the situation, thanks to timely advice from a friend.  I remembered Red Feather’s teaching and acknowledged how insult oriented I had been. I could choose to come from my spirit and be result oriented.

Coming from my spirit looks like relaxing about the situation. Trusting that I will be guided to each step I need to take. As much as my ego self wants to ‘fix’ it by gnawing at it like a dog with a bone, that’s not my job. My job is to take each healing step as it becomes clear to me. Spirit has the big picture, the why and the how. I can trust that, and move forward one step at a time.
​
I choose now to release the insult and be result oriented.   


Photo by Megan te Boekhorst on Unsplash

“If my heart could do my thinking, and my head begin to feel, I would look upon the world anew, and know what’s truly real.”
​— Van Morrison

Be in your heart. How often have we heard that advice or something similar? But what does it mean? What does being in your heart look like? Can we even approach being in our heart with the analytical mind? Maybe not.

So what does it feel like?

It feels like living as the child in you most wants to live, living in trust and innocence. Trusting that the Universe is a beneficent place in which to live. Knowing that you are loved and cared for. Innocent of any knowledge of separation so there is no need for judgment or making the self or other wrong.

Being in your heart feels centered and expansive, for this is your true home, and all the different aspects of you recognize this and relax as you allow yourself to be in that space. ​​


​Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash