“Rather than fighting with ego you can work together for the same goal. Teach ego that it is an equal energy. You can say to ego, ‘While I am doing this, I would like you to support in this other way.’ This gives your ego permission to show you the parts of yourself that you have repressed out of self-judgment.”
-Red Feather
 
Have you ever found yourself caught in a looping circle of negative thoughts even when things are going well? It can be really painful, and all the more so because it doesn’t have to happen that way. Unfortunately, or fortunately for the lesson of it, it did happen to me, just the other day.

It was a magical day. I went with some of my dear soul family to a wetlands wildlife refuge. We discovered to our delight, a huge migration, hundreds of thousands of Snow Geese, as well as Trumpeter Swans, Canadian Geese, Mallards and Bald Eagles. It was a delight to my birder eyes, and pure magic for my soul. The day was filled with lovely discoveries and messages from Spirit throughout.

The lesson for me, however, was my growing awareness of how at odd moments during the day, and even afterwards, my thoughts circled around negative perceptions of small events that took place, like a dog worrying a bone. Instead of staying focused upon the magic that surrounded me, my thoughts zoomed in on some perceived annoyance or jealousy or fear and gnawed at it.

Really? Why would I want to do that?

It’s all about ego of course. Like a nervous and overly energetic dog our egos need a job to do. If we don’t assign our egos something positive to do, they will revert to old habits. So, our egos need to be taught how to support us.

It is not that our egos are consciously being negative, in fact just the opposite. Our egos are trying to protect us by searching out what is wrong or hurtful and fixing it. The ego is not programmed to look for the good stuff. The ego is programmed like a watch dog, to look for the bad stuff, the stuff that might hurt us. That worked well for survival in the past when we had to be on the look out for predators and life-threatening situations. In our lives today that more often looks like watching out for emotionally threatening situations.

So, here I was having a lovely day with friends and my ego was on alert, looking for the bad stuff, looking for anything that might be emotionally threatening. And of course, my ego usually finds something scary to worry over.

The egos way of ‘fixing’ things is to worry and fret and go over and over various negative scenarios and generally get us worked up into an emotional lather. Then we take some sort of fear-based action or just withdraw into a negative funk. It’s no fun. It certainly doesn’t feel good. But the ego doesn’t care about fun, the ego cares about survival. In this case, emotional survival.

The ego is programmed for fight, flight or freeze, the physical survival responses. When it comes to emotional survival however, these responses may be less than optimal, and keep us circling around in a loop of negativity.

Unless we can catch ourselves and redirect, reprogramming our egos with a positive response.

I caught myself repeating a negative loop, a loop I have repeated many times in many ways, in the past. It was old, familiar and painful territory.

I asked for support and guidance from my Spiritual Support Team as I became aware of what I was doing. I asked for guidance because at that moment I didn’t have a solution. I was just aware that I didn’t want to continue on with the negative thought loop of worry, running negative scenarios, going over various negative scripts in my head, and all the other egoic approaches that result in increasing emotional pain.

I asked for guidance and was delighted by the unexpected thought that I was really lucky. I was really lucky to have these dear friends and family. I felt the fullness of the love that we share, our history and our bond. I felt that overflow of love as echoed in the abundance of life that surrounded us in the wetlands, the water, the marsh, the thousands upon thousands of geese and swans coming together in floating, honking, trumpeting, feathered rafts of bird community.

It was an inspiring, loving answer to my prayer for support, and it turned me right around. After that my thoughts focused upon the beauty of the sunset on the drive home, the fun and humor of those riding in the back seat, my gratitude to my friend driving us, making this trip possible.

That night as I lay in bed, tired and ready for sleep, I could feel my thoughts edging back toward negativity. Like unwelcome visitors knocking on the door in my mind, I knew if I opened the door I’d be circling around once more.

Closing my eyes, I saw a beautiful visual of thousands of geese rising up into the air. I focused upon that visual, and other visual memories of the beauty in the wetlands, choosing not to open the door to the loop of negative thoughts. I fell asleep easily, feeling contented.

Have you ever felt yourself caught up in a negative thought loop like this? Running scenarios and mental scripts and visualizations in an attempt to ‘fix’ whatever the ego perceives as threatening, falling down the rabbit hole of negativity?

Yup, it happens to most of us. Today’s Spiritual Toolbox has some suggestions for what you can do about it.

“Everything is always working out for me.”
- Abraham-Hicks    
 
Awhile back my husband left early in the morning to drive to a convention several states away.  I knew he’d be gone for six days. In the past when I’ve said goodbye to him and found myself alone in the early morning dark, I’ve sunk into feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Not because it was true but because old childhood tapes would play in my head.

This time I chose to experience it differently.

I put my thoughts and feelings on hold as I tidied up the kitchen from breakfast focusing my attention on what was immediately in front of me. I put in a load of laundry and made myself a cup of tea. The sun came up and I took my tea outside to sit on the patio and watch the backyard awaken.

Negative thoughts arose and I chose to focus my attention on my immediate environment. I paid attention to my breath moving in and out. I watched the light in the leaves and felt the fresh, cool morning air. I noticed the birds at the feeder and heard their morning songs.  

Even as I did so I could feel the old anxieties and fears just beneath the surface. I knew what was there. I’d experienced it all before and now it lurked, a darkness pressing against the door of my awareness. This time I chose not to give it any attention, nor did I allow it to come to the fore. I didn’t even try to fix it as I’ve done before. Instead I paid attention to what I sensed all around me.

It felt like I was faking it, and any minute the reality of negativity would take over, but it didn’t. In fact, just the opposite happened. In a little while my thoughts turned to what I’d like to do during the day, what would feel good to do.
I made a mental plan and decided to start by making myself a delicious soup to eat throughout the day. It felt nourishing and supportive.

I then took the dog for a long walk and thoroughly enjoyed the cool woods and sunshine. When I felt worry thoughts start I reminded myself of my favorite Abraham-Hicks quote and thought, I don’t have to worry about this because, “Everything is always working out for me.”

As I walked on I heard a repeated bird call from the trees. Over and over it sounded like the bird was saying, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thanks!” It became my mantra as I walked.

Afterward, I got home and ate nurturing soup and took a nap.
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When I awoke, once again I felt the aloneness pressing at the door of my thoughts and again I chose to focus elsewhere. Instead, I returned to the kitchen and tried out a new recipe, a healthy version of blondies made with white beans. They were surprisingly good. Then I replaced our broken mailbox which had been waiting for repair, and ordered a planter to go around the base of the mailbox post.

Throughout the day several friends called with invitations and connection. My daughter called for support with something that was bothering her, and my husband called just checking in, letting me know he was thinking of me. The calls felt connecting and supportive.

I realized that as I chose to support myself with where I focused my attention, and in the thoughts I chose to think, the Universe responded and supported me. I chose to feel connection. I chose to feel support. I chose to nurture myself.  The Universe reflected that right back to me. 

You will have your own ways of loving and nurturing yourself. You know what feels good to you. Begin with your inner home, your thoughts.
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